how many Guys does it take...

I'm going to come clean--I'm a burger snob. In fact, it was an overwhelming craving to eat a cheeseburger that broke my 8-year streak, changing my status from "pescatarian" to "omnivore" 5 years ago.

I'd been resisting going to Five Guys because I'd heard way too many people raving. I mean, really...if they don't cook my burger until I order it, and I can't have it bloody as hell, what's the point?

I finally gave in today, and the point is that this place is competing with McDonalds, not with the Vortex. Yes, it is better than Mickey D's, but not that much better. And, to be honest, I like McD's fries better. There were things about the Five Guy's fries that I liked -- that they were obviously made from real unpeeled potatoes, that the establishment offers malt vinegar (don't ask me where this Southern girl picked up a thing for malt vinegar). But they didn't have enough salt, for starters, and they weren't all that crispy. I think I ate about 10 and threw the rest out.

And so, the illustrious burger. I got the small cheeseburger. It was juicy, especially for a well-done burger--I will give them that--and I liked the array of toppings offered, especially the grilled onions and mushrooms. But they got my order wrong. I waited for 10 minutes for this thing, and it had mayonnaise on it. The only thing I asked them NOT to put on it. I hate mayonnaise.

I hate mayonnaise in a passionate way in which it is impossible for me to ignore the mayonnaise residue on my sandwich after I wipe it off. As infrequently as I order there, McDonald's always gets my no mayo order correct.

My receipt clearly stated "NO mayo"--that was it. Everything BUT mayo. Gah.

So, yes, Five Guys was okay, but I don't really get what the fuss is about. If they had gotten my order correct, they might have earned one additional star, but I really can't see myself going back. It would be one thing if it was a great value, but it's not that much cheaper than the Vortex (considering there is no beer involved).